Please Excuse My Crazy

Did you know that if you work out when you’re angry, the workout is easier? I didn’t know that until last night! Apparently, a disagreement with the mister was just what I needed to push that extra rep last night when I’m normally begging myself for mercy.

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Hubby and I don’t fight often. And when we do, I can pretty much be assured that Aunt Flo will make her appearance very soon. I’m normally a fairly even-tempered person, but I have a disorder. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (or PMDD) to be precise.

Without medication, the two weeks before my period become a nightmare. Not just for me, but the people closest to me (particularly my long-suffering husband). I wouldn’t just be irritable and uncomfortable with normal PMS symptoms. We’re talking full on rage, depression, hopelessness. There used to be days when I would melt down into venomous yelling fits, and then I’d go for a drive. I always made it home after finally parking somewhere and bawling my eyes out when I realized I was thinking about driving off through a guardrail or into oncoming traffic.

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Thankfully, I am back on medication that makes these symptoms MUCH more manageable for me. Instead of spending two weeks wondering why I don’t feel like I know the person in my own head and feeling like I have absolutely no control over a single emotion, I am able to keep a grasp on my sanity.

Not that I don’t have my moments. Most months, with a day or two to go, my husband will say something in just the right way at just the right time and I’ll go ballistic. It could be something so ridiculous that at any other time I’d call him an ass and laugh it off. But during this time, I just lose it.

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The benefit of the medication is that I can better recognize when I’m going off the rails and instead of becoming a runaway train, I’m able to get myself called down enough to know what’s happening to me. That doesn’t mean I don’t end up a crying mess being comforted by the same man that I just unleashed on (did I mention that I love that man more than life?) but instead of getting there after 3 or 4 hours, these episodes generally last less than an hour.

So, ladies, please: If you feel out of control, if you experience extreme anger, depression, sadness, mood swings, lethargy, cravings, headaches, or other PMS symptoms with an increased severity, talk to your doctor! There are a lot of women out there dealing with these issues, and they not only affect your mental health, but they can take a toll on your physical health and your relationships as well.

And to my dear husband: thank you for being my safe harbor. I know it isn’t always easy, but I love you and appreciate that you are so incredibly caring.

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